Baccalaureate Speech - June 2nd, 2011
Ida S. Baker High School
1. HONOR SPEAKING HERE
a. Being Selected By the Students
b. Knowing the Great Faculty
c. And…This Class Is Special To Me, Being My 4th Year at Baker / Had 1/4th the Students For Two Years
2. WITH THAT SAID…PERHAPS I WAS AN ODD CHOICE
a. For Being Known Specifically for Sarcasm and a Monotone
b. Have Had The Honor Of Giving Two Speeches At High School Events: A Ring Ceremony and This Baccalaureate
c. NEVER Got A School Ring…Makes It Tough To Speak On Behalf Of The Specialness Of A School Ring / and Tonight This Makes My First Baccalaureate I Have Ever Attended…Had To Ask My Mom Why I Missed Mine, and She Said… Strep Throat
d. Regardless…With Three Kids At Home, You Jump At The Chance To Do Anything Out Of The House…So AGAIN THANK YOU
3. WITH NEVER HAVING ATTENDED A BACCALAUREATE BEFORE, I HAD TO ASK A FRIEND WHAT KIND OF SPEECH YOU GIVE AT ONE OF THESE…
a. He Explained To Me That…
i. Commencement Address- Is Where You Tell The Kids How Scary The Real World Is, But That They Are Prepared And Can Conquer Anything…You Just Say The Words “Real World” A Lot
ii. Baccalaureate Address- Is Where You Just Tell The Kids How Great They Are…so “YOU ARE GREAT”
4. IN THINKING OF THIS ADVICE, I THOUGHT THE COMMENCEMENT SPEECH SOUNDED MORE FUN, TO OFFICIALLY WELCOME YOU TO THE REAL WORLD…SO WITH THAT SAID…WELCOME SOON TO THE “REAL WORLD”.
5. I AM NOT SURE WHETHER YOU KNOW THIS OR NOT, AND AS A MEMBER OF THE “REALWORLD”, I AM NOT SURE I SHOULD DIVULGE THIS SECRET INFORMATION, BUT MANY OF THE MEMBERS OF THIS ADULT WORLD DON’T THINK TOO HIGHLY OF YOU… IN FACT THEY THINK YOU ARE SOFT.
6. WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER…
a. We Didn’t Wear Silly Things Like Bike Helmets …RATHER A BABSEBALL HAT BACKWARDS
b. When You Were Younger You Had Things Like “Car Seats”…When We Were Younger We Sat Next To Dad In The Front Bench Seat, Along With All Of Our Siblings, With One Giant Lap Belt That Went Across All Of Us…And If We Needed Extra Protection Mom Might Put Her Arm In Front Of You When We Crashed
c. You Have Injuries Like Carpal Tunnel
d. You Have ACL’s… We Had “A Bad Knee
e. We Got Our “Bell Rung”…You Have Concussions
7. FOR SOME OF THESE REASONS AGAIN PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE SOFT, THEY LOOK DOWN AT YOU, AND QUESTION YOUR MEMBERSHIP INTO THE “REAL WORLD”
8. FOR PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW ME WELL…. WELL I CHOSE THE HONORABLE PROFESSION OF TEACHING / EDUCATION…. SO YOU KNOW THE DRILL I AM ALL “ABOUT THE KIDS”… WANT TO “TOUCH LIVES AND EFFECT CHANGE IN THE WORLD”… BUT I AM NO DUMMY… I HAD A BACK-UP PLAN… I MARRIED RICH, SOMEHOW CONNED MY WIFE WHO IS WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE TO SUPPORT MY LIFESTYLE… MY AFTERNOONS OFF FOR “LESSON PLANNING”…SUMMERS OFF FOR “RECHARGING THE OLD BATTERIES”…WHEN IN REALITY I AM CATCHING UP ON MY STORIES AND TURNING ON AN APPLIANCE WHEN SHE CALLS TO SOUND BUSY
9. MY WIFE WORKS IN THE HEALTH PROFESSION, AT A HOSPITAL, AND I HAVE TOLD MY STORIES, THAT WHILE I LOVE THE LIFE SHE PROVIDES ME, THERE IS ALWAYS ONE NIGHT OF THE YEAR WHERE I QUESTION IT ALL… THE DREADED COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY
10. I STAND IN THE ROOM, NEXT TO MY WIFE, AND ON TOP OF IT ALL, SHE IS GORGEOUS…AND ALL OF THESE PEOPLE IN THE ROOM, SUCCESSFUL DOCTORS, LAWYERS LOOK AT ME AND THINK I MUST BE THIS GRAND SUCCESS….AND FINALLY SOMEONE WILL AMBLE OVER AND INTRODUCE THEMSELVES AND ASK THE QUESTION…SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING???
11. I GATHER MY STRENGTH AND MUMBLE…”TEACHER”…INSTANTLY THE MUSIC SCREECHES TO A HALT…EVERYONE’S NECK WHIPLASHES AND ALL EYES STARE…I SEE INSTANTLY ALL OF THE PHASES OF GRIEF
a. SHOCK
b. HORROR
c. ANGER
d. DEPRESSION
e. AND WELL THEN… PITY
12. NEXT COME THE QUESTIONS…
a. Is It Like “Glee”…Do They Break Out In Song???…UM “NO”
b. How Many Gangs Are In The School???… ugh…None That I Know Of?
c. How Many Knife Fights Have You Broken Up???... um…None
d. Do The Kids Even Listen To You???… um Yeah
e. What Do You Do If They Don’t Do What You Tell Them To???…. I Just Show Them Respect and They Show It To Me
f. Well What Is It Like Then???... Well Each Period The Bell Rings, I Teach, They Listen, And The Bell Rings Again And We Start All Over
13. AS IF THEY HAVE NOT HEARD ME, THE CONVERSATIONS BEGIN…WELL KIDS THESE DAYS…
14. WHAT THESE NON-BELIEVERS SEE IS
-YOU SITTING ON THE COUCH PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THEY LABEL YOU AS NOT “SOCIAL”
*WHAT THEY DON’T SEE IS THAT YOU JUST STARTED PLAYING WITH A FRIEND YOU JUST MADE ONLINE FROM HALF WAY AROUND THE WORLD
-THE NON-BELIEVERS SEE YOU GET PARALYZED BECAUSE YOU CAN’T FIGURE OUT CHANGE AT YOUR PART-TIME JOB WHEN THE REGISTER ISN’T WORKING…AND LABEL YOU AS DUMB AND FORWARD THE STORY IN AN EMAIL TO ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS.
*WHAT THEY DON’T SEE IS THAT YOU REMOVED THE APPLIED MATH, MEMORIZING OF ADDING AND SUBTRACTING, FROM YOUR BRAIN, SO THAT YOU COULD FILL IT WITH AP CALCULUS IN THE 11TH GRADE
-THE NON-BELIEVERS SEE YOU TAKING A NAP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY AND SLEEPING IN UNTIL NOON ON THE WEEKENDS, AND CALL YOU LAZY
*WHAT THEY DON’T SEE IS THAT DURING THE WEEK YOU TOOK 4 AP CLASSES, WORKED A PART-TIME JOB, WENT TO SOME COLLEGE CLASSES, DID COMMUNITY SERVICE AND MANAGED 500 FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK
-THE NON-BE LIVERS ARE HORRIFIED WHEN THEY GO TO A RESTAURANT AND SEE TWO OF YOU SITTING THREE FEET AWAY FROM ONE ANOTHER, YET NEVER TALK BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST TEXTING OTHERS
*WHAT THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND IS THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING ANTI-SOCIAL, BUT YOU HAVE MADE YOUR TWO PERSON LUNCH A 10 PERSON LUNCH WITH ALL OF THE FRIENDS YOU HAD JOIN IN BY TEXTING
-THE NON-BELIEVERS LISTEN TO YOUR POP MUSIC, AND THINK YOUR LISTENING OF PEOPLE LIKE… GAGA, LIL’WAYNE AND BIEBER WILL END THE WORLD
*OKAY…I CAN’T DEFEND THE BIEBER ONE…BUT I KNOW THESE NON-BELIEVERS’ GRANDPARENTS WERE GOING TO END THE WORLD WITH THEIR JAZZ MUSIC AND GIRLS SHOWING THEIR ANKLES FOR THE FIRST TIME… THEIR PARENTS WERE ENDING THE WORLD AT WOODSTOCK WITH HENDRIX… AND THEY PERSONALLY WERE WEARING LEATHER PANTS AND TEASING THEIR HAND WITH METAL MUSIC OF THE 80’S
IN THE END… GRADUATES OF 2011…YOU ALL ARE GREAT… DON’T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE…ALL THAT IS OCCURRING IS THE NON-BELIEVERS ARE GETTING OLDER / AND LOSING THEIR PERSPECTIVE
15. AS A HISTORY TEACHER I HAVE LEARNED…EACH GENERATION IS LABELED…THE NON-BELIEVERS CALL YOU THE “TROPHY GENERATION”…BECAUSE THEY SEE THAT YOU GET A TROPHY FOR EVERYTHING…. THEY WORRY THAT WHEN YOU APPLY FOR THAT FIRST JOB AND DO NOT GET IT, YOU WILL FALL APART…THEY WILL TELL YOU STORIES LIKE… WHEN I WAS LITTLE NOT EVERYONE GOT A TROPHY FOR PLAYING IN A LEAGUE…WE WENT TO PIZZA HUT AT AGE 5 AND SAT THEIR IN SHAME WHILE THE FIRST PLACE TEAM GOT THEIR TROPHIES AND WE CRIED INTO BREADSTICKS.
16. I WANT ALL OF YOU TO KNOW THIS SUNDAY, HOWEVER, THAT WILL NOT BE ANY CERTIFICATE OF PARTICIPATION YOU WILL BE GETTING…. AFTER FOUR YEARS OF WORK, EARLY MORNINGS, PAPERS, POWERPOINTS, DEBATES, ETC… YOU WILL BE GETTING A DIPLOMA THAT REPRESENTS EXCELLENCE…ON THE SIDE IT WILL SAY IDA S.BAKER HIGH SCHOOL…AND THAT MEANS EXCELLENCE…AND THAT IS YOUR TICKET THROUGH THE REAL WORLD
17. YOU WILL HEAR…… I AM SURE THIS SUNDAY…. MORE ABOUT THE REAL WORLD… AND I TOO WILL ECHO THOSE FAMOUS WORDS SAID THIS TIME OF YEAR…. THAT YOU WILL ENDURE, YOU WILL PROSPER, WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED HERE AT BAKER WILL GIVE YOU EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO BE A GREAT SUCCESS IN THE “REAL WORLD”…. AND IF YOU EVER HAVE ANY SELF-DOUBT…KNOW THAT WHEN CORNERED AT THOSE FUTURE CHRISTMAS PARTIES…I WILL SPEAK ON YOUR BEHALF, I BELIEVE IN YOU, AND I AM YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN
18. THIS SUNDAY, CLASS OF 2011… YOU WILL COMPLETE HIGH SCHOOL…AND WE WILL WELCOME YOU TO THE REAL WORLD…IN THE REAL WORLD, HOWEVER, HOPEFULLY YOU WILL LEARN THAT LIFE IS NOT SOMETHING YOU JUST COMPLETE…BUT SOMETHING YOU ENJOY AND EXPERIENCE…IF THERE IS ANY ADVICE AS A 35 YEAR OLD MAN IN FRONT OF YOU, I CAN GIVE ABOUT THE REAL WORLD…IT IS THAT LIFE IS WHAT OCCURS WHILE YOU WAIT FOR THE BIG MOMENTS…LEARN TO ENJOY THE DAY TO DAY LIVING, AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY….THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THIS WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY…AND I WISH ALL OF YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN THE FUTURE…GOD BLESS.